she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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