Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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