we're blogging at a bar
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
