The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
