Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
