Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
