apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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