If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
