I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
As shirtless as possible
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
