i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
