so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
