Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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