Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
