I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
