Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Nobody cheats on THIS.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
