it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
