I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
