I feel like I'm in dance class right now
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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