Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
