did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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