11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
