She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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