I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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