Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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