Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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