guys are only as good as the porn they watch
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
