I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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