If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
