I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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