You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
