looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
