In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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