I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
