**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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