He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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