I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
