I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
