apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
