ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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