I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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