One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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