I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
