So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I got inside last night via doggy door
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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