im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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