I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
