Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
