I faked an abortion last night.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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