I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
