Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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