Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
