he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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