please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
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