Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
