i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
