My nipple is on Facebook.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
