Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
