Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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