if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
