I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I can't put those talents on a resume
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
